#BITTERSWEET BIRTHDAY FULL#

At first I lived with both my grandparents, then helped them transition to full time care, did all the doctor visits for 3 years and saw them every week.

She had advanced AlzheimerвЂ™s and I had moved to town to take care of her. Back in 2009 I had been in my new home for about a year and brought my own grandma over to visit. IвЂ™ve waffled on commenting much before Sarah because when I found your blog it was like youвЂ™re my blogging twin and we have a lot in common (which can sound creepy coming from a stranger!). *Not from me, obviouslyвЂ¦ you know what I mean. Thanks for understanding, and please give a hug & kiss to loved ones.* Thanks in advance to any messages you guys leave on this post, whether they are happy birthday wishes, condolences, or expressions about how awkwardly weird life is that you are sendingВ both to the same person at the same time. Next week, there will be a lot of posts that were supposed toВ go live already, so be ready for some updates, including a giveaway on Monday. I am overwhelmingly grateful for the people in my life who have texted/called/messaged, understood when IвЂ™ve forgotten plans, informed other people on my behalf (so that I donвЂ™t have to explain my attitude), excused me from blog commitments, and other small gestures that allow me to take care of my grief-whether itвЂ™s yelling at someone, crying in the middle of PetSmart, or refusing to speak.

To humbly joke and explain yourself in ways that only you might understand ( вЂњYou think IвЂ™m dumb? IвЂ™m shit. To let someone know when something is not okay. She showed me that itвЂ™s okay to consider yourself a black sheep and to be proud of what makes you different from the rest. She loved to rain down affection on her family. She helped me tear down wallpaper in the guest bedroom as one of the first things that ever happened at the UDHВ (and to Shelly Redd on Instagram, thank you for remembering that). She is partly to blame for my foul mouth. She gave me my first sip of beer at age 8 (I hated it, btw). I miss my Granny-one of the most influential people in my life-like crazy. YaaaaayyyyвЂ¦.eh.В While IвЂ™ve made plans with family and friends to try to enjoy the coming weekend (as IвЂ™ve mentioned before, my Dad and I share a birthday, and I celebrate CharlieвЂ™s today too), IвЂ™m experiencing aВ very weird mix of feelings that are hard to process.

Or in SprintвЂ™s case, loudly and angrily telling their customer service tech exactly where they can stick my malfunctioning phone (I waffle between guilt and pure rage on that).ДЄlso? TodayвЂ™s my birthday.

#BITTERSWEET BIRTHDAY HOW TO#

There have been other events since then that have basically turned an already depressing week into a giant shit sandwich, none of which are really the right time to get into now,В butВ each one of them have left me at a loss for how to express my feelingsВ accurately enough to put pen to paperвЂ¦В resulting in (mostly) mute frustration all week long. Ever see a crazy person sobbing uncontrollably at a traffic light? Yep. Her loss was not unexpected after battling AlzheimerвЂ™s for ten years, but it has still left me feeling very raw, noticeably sour, and randomly bursting into tears at very inappropriate moments. My grandmother (the one who IвЂ™ve mentioned a few times on this blog) passed away on Saturday. This week has easily been one of the hardest IвЂ™ve ever had since I started blogging.

Bittersweet birthday